Increasing Confidence for Your Next Presentation

Marketing gurus will tell you to analyze your toughest competitors in order to get ahead. Who is your toughest competitor? Could it be yourself when you doubt your ideas, refuse to get out of your comfort zone or back away from risks that could be rewarding? Could you be running around fixing everything but the central core of the problem? The biggest obstacle is usually ourselves.

Yesterday I went to a luncheon held by a local Irish group. We sang Happy Birthday to a spirited 90 year-old woman. Her poise and self-assurance was evident as she stood and asked to say a few words. Her voice was surprisingly strong and articulate and carried well to the over hundred attendees in the restaurant. “I got to this stage in life,” she began, “by following two truths my parents passed on to me. The first thing they told me was ‘Be loyal to the royal within you.’ We forget that all of us are very special. But that belief can carry you through many challenges.

The second rule was to ‘Subtract your wants from your needs.’ I was in the convent for 35 years but left because my two brothers came back from Viet Nam and needed to be taken care of. I’ve paid my way every step of my life because I know the difference between my wants and needs. I still do not need anyone to take care of me. You can also accomplish significant things if you follow my parent’s advice.”

Terrence Howard was studying chemical engineering at Pratt Institute when he was discovered on the street and began acting on television. Those roles led to film roles and he has become a well-respected actor by movie audiences and critics. Oprah interviewed him on her show after his Oscar nominated role in Crash. She asked him what made the difference in escalating his career. Howard replied, “I got out of my own way. This is my life,” he continued, “I’m going to pick up the crown and wear it.”

You can cultivate the same attitude. When you acknowledge your value, your voice and body language project that confidence. When you appreciate your experience and expertise, fears are minimized and you can make those risky but advantageous choices. Before your next interview or presentation, say to yourself, “I’m a King (or Queen) and I own this room!” Your presence is enough. Be loyal to the royal within you!

jan@jdarcy.com

A Lesson in Persuasion from the Norfolk Prison Debate Team

Last year I received a call from Adam Bright who asked me if I’d tell him about the time I spent at Norfolk prison outside of Boston. Norfolk Prison started a debate team in the 1930’s and at first debated among themselves. Then they became more selective and competitive and began to invite formidable college debate teams every few weeks to the prison. Princeton, Yale, West Point, MIT, and Harvard were worthy opponents but by 1966, Norfolk had won 144 times and only lost 8 times.

It’s been a long time since my sophomore year at Emerson College when Professor Haig der Maderosian asked me to debate a murderer and an accused rapist on the morality of rock ‘n roll. I thought the professor was out of his mind! But eventually he convinced me and another 18 yr-old coed, Cindy Whalen, that it would sharpen our skills for upcoming college tournaments.

We began weeks of research and visited the prison a couple of times before the actual debate to size up the situation. At the entry-way, it was very unnerving to have the huge gate clang shut behind us and look up to see two guards with rifles. We ate dinner with the prisoners and chatted as if this were a regular Saturday night out. I never saw any women prisoners and Cindy and I dressed as modestly as possible.

Obviously, the prisoners had a lot of time to spend in their well-stocked library which provided them with national newspapers, government publications and up-to-date cultural, political and scientific books and magazines. (Human rights activist Malcolm X spent 2 yrs at Norfolk. He studied and joined the debate team which laid the groundwork on his path to becoming an eloquent speaker. )
Over the years, the three-person panel of judges for the debates included lawyers, judges, priests, professors and respected citizens. Both teams would be judged on delivery skills, evidence, and the ability to persuade. The night of the debate, I thought Cindy and I did rather well showing evidence of the bad influence rock and roll music and lyrics had on young people. Unfortunately, as Cindy and I smashed records on stage, hundreds of prisoners started singing all the dirty lyrics and drowned us out. The prison debaters were smart and ridiculed our statistics. They had done their homework and cited references I had never heard of and couldn’t refute. We lost and it was obvious the clapping, stomping hall of prisoners approved the decision.

This unforgettable experience was widely publicized and it was the only time I made Time magazine and the front page of Hollywood’s Variety and the Moscow’s Daily Worker. It definitely influenced my preparation and ability to deal with shrewd competitors in future debates.

Today I received an invitation to attend the public premiere of Stories from the Norfolk Prison Debate Team on May 26th at the Norfolk town library. There will eventually be an archived oral history for libraries, a radio documentary and a book about the debating teams that continued into the 1970's. Adam has put enormous effort into interviewing and finding the living prison and college debaters, judges and townspeople. I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend the celebration. I might have run into the murderer who was my silver-tongued opponent.

jan@jdarcy.com

Presentations into Conversations

I recently went to Seattle’s Town Hall to hear Paul Allen being interviewed by Todd Bishop from Geekwire. Mr. Allen, who is usually a very private person, has been traversing the country, appearing on Sixty Minutes, etc. to promote his memoir, Idea Man.

In the ladies restroom before the program, a young woman commented, “I don’t know what I’m doing here. Allen is always so awkward and uncomfortable.” I expect a lot of people who paid their $5.00 were thinking the same thing.

Bishop and a healthy-looking Allen walked on stage and seated themselves in comfortable living room chairs. Bishop began by saying, “I want to start by asking the question that is on everyone’s minds. I know you’ve had your ups and downs with this individual. Will Matt Hasselback sign on with the Seahawks?” The crowd erupted in laughter and it set the tone for the entire entertaining evening. Allen was charming and answered every question and those from the audience with candor, humor, and thoughtfulness.

When Allen was questioned about why he was putting Gates and Balmer in a bad light, he said it was necessary to do justice to his own story and neither has said the events mentioned in the book didn’t happen. (I read the reason these two were discussing limiting Allen’s ownership of Microsoft was not because they wanted to cheat him but as a legitimate concern they might lose control of the company to relatives, should Allen die from his cancer.) In any case, Allen, who implies in his book that he was under-appreciated, says everyone remains friends.

Bishop asked him about his yachts and his submarine. Allen spoke about descending 1000 feet down to the ocean floor. He said it was dark and there were really strange animals but when you put on some Pink Floyd, it was fantastic.

One can’t help be impressed with Allen’s consistent curiosity and creativity from the Experience Music Project to rocket ships and sport teams, despite his many failures. He said, “Maybe readers will learn from all the mistakes I’ve made.” Allen spoke about how his two bouts with cancer had changed his outlook and his actions. He got applause when he spoke about how his Brain Institute makes all their research available to anyone in the world for free and how important it was for him to leave a worthwhile legacy. And he introduced the first love of his life, Rita, who was sitting in the front row with her husband.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzEESpo81vY

It's becoming commonplace to have these “keynote conversations” with authors and celebrities. These are done in a relaxed manner and the expert doesn’t have to stress over preparing a formal presentation. You might suggest this approach instead of just a monologue for your next speech.

This doesn’t mean you don’t prepare for these “conversations.” The speaker still needs to thoroughly analyze and engage his audience. Allen called for a show of hands of programmers in the audience and then waxed poetic about solving code problems at 3 a.m. and asking them, “Isn’t that a great feeling?”

It’s critical to have a knowledgeable interviewer and to go over what issues need to be brought forth. At Town Hall, questions from the audience were solicited beforehand on cards. Bishop quickly chose ones that provided a lively discussion with Allen. It was a thoroughly enjoyable “conversation.” And thank heavens, not one Power Point slide!

jan@jdarcy.com

Resourses: Nerve: Poise Under Pressure, Serenity Under Stress, and the Brave New Science of Fear and Cool by Taylor Clark. Anxiety is now ahead of depression as the most prevalent mental health issue in U.S. This book gives any examples of why and how some people thrive under pressure and some falter. Clark gives ideas on how to work through fears, whether for public speaking or just about anything else in life.

Maintaining a Professional Image Under Fire

"Momma says when you stumble, make it part of the dance." These words of advice were embroidered onto an old red velvet pillow I saw propped on a shelf in a run-down thrift shop. I recalled the saying when Kirstie Alley’s partner collapsed with a muscle spasm and she fell on him during her rumba on Dancing with the Stars. Alley picked herself up and finished the routine displaying remarkable gamesmanship. I tell my clients when they make some mistake during a presentation to keep going and incorporate the faux pas as if it were your own original, intended action. One of the most important human characteristics to keep us on the path is resilience, that ability to bounce back when faced with personal and professional disappointments.

A Japanese young man, who spent a summer with our family several years ago, has posting disturbing messages about the horrific earthquake and tsunami. Kazoo lives in Tokyo and has sent us emails about the rolling electrical blackouts, fears of radioactivity in water and food, and the dreadful numbers of dead, missing and the 160,000 homeless. The impressive resilience of the Japanese nation is evident but the continuing high stress levels are taking a heavy toll on the physical and mental health of this courageous population.

In this country, many friends and acquaintances are going through stressful economic losses or have suffered personal and professional setbacks. While these pale in comparison to the unimaginable disasters in Japan, they still can wreck havoc on our health and mental state and adversely affect our communications. We may have experienced an illness, an injury, a death of a parent or someone close to us, a job loss, the breakup of a relationship or a marriage or other traumatic event. We can respond in various ways to difficult circumstances. Some individuals will fold and give up while others thrive on turmoil and pursue their goals, no matter what landmines they have to walk through.

A lady friend survived a long bout with cancer and was resolute in her desire to go back to work as a professional speaker. I was in the audience the first time she made the enormous effort to pull herself together, be cheerful, energetic and deliver a thoughtful message. She struggled but kept going. She has gone on to have her own radio and TV show.

A current client lost everything in the destructive Liberian War in West Africa but was eventually able to bring his family to a new life in the United States. Despite harrowing experiences, Ezechiel Bambolo has written a book, The Firstborn Son, and is speaking to audiences about how this concept relates to the stability of the family and society.

Countless studies show that it is the interpretation or meaning that people give to stressful events, their belief in their ability they are never helpless and having a strong commitment to their objectives that help them through difficult times. I might add that many clients tell me their spiritual beliefs are their bedrock.

How do you react to stress in your life or unexpected circumstances when you arrive at a speech site (or job interview, meeting, networking group, etc.?) Murphy’s Law is operating at full throttle these days and you will need to expect and welcome change or be left in the dust. The ability to communicate effectively under stress is a skill that you can learn. We’ll talk more in our next blog about developing a productive attitude and techniques to be compelling even when you take a spill.

jan@jdarcy.com

Resources: Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip and Dan Heath. Think you have a dull subject? Read this excellent book to help you make your ideas unforgettable.

A Tip for Your Next Presentation

My first job was washing chicken deposits off of eggs and packing them in cardboard containers for 50 cents an hour. I descended down rickety stairs into an old, drafty basement with a lone electric light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Within five minutes of my first afternoon at work, an egg rolled off the table and crashed on the cement floor. Then I dropped one egg on another, breaking them both. When the top of a carton failed to close, I hit it with the heel of my hand and cracked three more eggs. 5 eggs were trashed and my largesse 3 hours later was $1.50. When my employer dropped me off at my home, I reluctantly, but with integrity, handed her back 25 precious cents to pay for the losses. She growled, “Keep the money, you’ll get better.” I did. I was 12 years old. I also cleaned houses and toilets for 50 cents an hour. It was a tough job market - like today.

Then I was offered a job as substitute organist for St. Therese church and made $1 each weekday morning for playing and singing the mass in Latin. Soon I was in demand for other ceremonies. I loved opening up all the stops on the organ to play Lohengrin’s wedding march and received $5 for each joyous occasion. I dutifully practiced putting emotion into the hymns I played for funerals. I checked the obituaries for local Catholics as grateful mourners usually paid me the generous amount of $10.00. Of course there were families who hurried out the door after the corpse in their feigned sorrow and ignored a frantic little girl waving and running after the hearse. I also earned money winning talent contests where I sang love ballads, played a jazzy piano or did double baton-twirling and gymnastics. Being an artist was so much more rewarding than cleaning dirty chicken eggs.

This was how I learned people would pay handsomely for your services if you entertained or inspired them. Later in life as a professional speaker and a coach, I realized it was paramount to give my audiences useful information but my presentations were really successful if I touched my audience emotionally or they had fun. I hope you’ve found a purposeful job you enjoy. Be mindful of the basic human desire for connection in your daily communications.

jan@jdarcy.com

5 Ways to Minimize the Impostor Complex

Have you ever felt you were an impostor in your position? Join the club. Many talented people in all walks of life are victims of the impostor complex. King George (in The King’s Speech) felt he didn't deserve to be King of England. It's estimated that 70% of high achievers feel like impostors, certain their present level of achievement does not result from true ability and others will soon discover the frauds they really are.

Deep inside most of us is the belief we are not good enough. And when we get promoted or elected or given more prestige, money, titles or power, the impostor complex rears its ugly head. It is particularly prevalent when we have to stand up and speak in front of a large group as there are more audience members to challenge our expertise.

Even though we have received objective, verifiable evidence that we are capable and confident, we are haunted by fears. Senator Ted Kennedy recalled, “The first time Jack and Bobby and I walked into the White House’s Oval office after Jack’s inaugural, we were sure someone would come round the corner and say, ‘You boys get out of here!’”

Many people are looking for jobs, switching jobs or switching careers more so than at any other time in history. It's common for them to successfully or unsuccessfully assume a persona, bluff their way until they pick up skills and gradually settle into a job until a couple of years later they are promoted or switch to another profession and are faced with another set of impostor fears.

Here are some suggestions:
1. Keep tabs on when impostor feelings are likely to occur. Have you been getting a lot of good or bad attention lately? How does that make you feel? Do these feelings occur when you take on a new assignment or have additional demands in your job? Are you uncomfortable because you imagine you're out of your "social class?" Have you been coping with a personal emergency and feel overwhelmed? It's helpful to keep a journal and jot down when negative feelings start to emerge.

2. Thorough preparation will give you security. If you need to present a proposal or critical information during a meeting, rehearse mentally and on-site, if possible. Develop a routine to use before every presentation.
3. Avoid people who undercut you or deliberately add to your insecurity. A man was working on a project with me and said things such as, "I'd be overwhelmed with all the things you have to do to make this a success." Or, "How much experience do you have pulling a project like this together?" I began to wonder if I could pull it together until I realized his game. The next time I smiled and replied, "No problem. It will all get done. I'm sure everyone including yourself will make a big contribution."

4. Approval from everyone isn't necessary. You don't have to please your older brother, your mother, your 3rd grade teacher, or a relative you haven't seen in years. Sometimes when we come from a high-achieving family, we feel we have to live up to expectations even when we are an adult.
5. Find a mentor. They have probably been through many of the demands of your job and can discuss realistically what you're going through. Or find a trusted coach, like the King did. Just talking with them about your fears can change your perception and give you new confidence.

Cut yourself some slack. Say to yourself, "I deserve to be here because of my intelligence and abilities. I will do the best job that I can possibly do."

King George & The Impostor Complex

I highly recommend you see “The King’s Speech.” Colin Firth, as King George, battles a painful upbringing overshadowed by a charismatic brother, an inhibiting stammer and his belief that he wasn’t fit to be King. He dreaded public speaking. Geoffrey Rush plays Lionel Logue, an uncredentialed speech therapist/coach with unorthodox methods who is able to help “Bertie” manage his fears and speak to his nation on the eve of war. Firth’s sister is a speech therapist and supplied the exercises used in the film.

The 73 yr old author of the screenplay, David Seidler, was a stutterer himself and was inspired by the King’s determination to overcome his affliction. The royal family was embarrassed and hid any mention of a therapist but Seidler was able to locate Logue’s son. He was given access to notes Logue had recorded of his sessions with the King. However, Seidler promised Elizabeth, the Queen Mum (Helena Bonham Carter) that he wouldn’t publish the story until her death and she didn’t pass until 2002 at 102 years.

“Stutterers,” Seidler explains, “grow up feeling they have no voice, that they can’t be heard: they see in the eyes of their pained listeners that they have no right to speak. I was overwhelmed,” he said, “when the audience applauded at the end of the movie. Because for the first time ever, the penny dropped and I felt I had a voice and had been heard.”

It might surprise you or be reassuring to learn that even Colin Firth admits, “I’ve never stuttered, but I’ve had the same drowning feeling from stage fright. When I forget my lines, I forget who I am, where I am. It feels like an eternity until I come back.” This amazing actor has not let his fears destroy his performance but says he has found he can turn his tension into a positive thing.

We’ll blog more next month about fears and ways to challenge the feeling of being a fraud. Have you ever felt you were an impostor?
After you’ve seen “The King’s Speech”, check out the site below to hear King George making the actual speech from the film on the radio.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/ww2outbreak/7918.shtml

Regards
Jan D'Arcy


www.jdarcy.com
jan@jdarcy.com