Have you ever felt you were an impostor in your position? Join the club. Many talented people in all walks of life are victims of the impostor complex. King George (in The King’s Speech) felt he didn't deserve to be King of England. It's estimated that 70% of high achievers feel like impostors, certain their present level of achievement does not result from true ability and others will soon discover the frauds they really are.
Deep inside most of us is the belief we are not good enough. And when we get promoted or elected or given more prestige, money, titles or power, the impostor complex rears its ugly head. It is particularly prevalent when we have to stand up and speak in front of a large group as there are more audience members to challenge our expertise.
Even though we have received objective, verifiable evidence that we are capable and confident, we are haunted by fears. Senator Ted Kennedy recalled, “The first time Jack and Bobby and I walked into the White House’s Oval office after Jack’s inaugural, we were sure someone would come round the corner and say, ‘You boys get out of here!’”
Many people are looking for jobs, switching jobs or switching careers more so than at any other time in history. It's common for them to successfully or unsuccessfully assume a persona, bluff their way until they pick up skills and gradually settle into a job until a couple of years later they are promoted or switch to another profession and are faced with another set of impostor fears.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Keep tabs on when impostor feelings are likely to occur. Have you been getting a lot of good or bad attention lately? How does that make you feel? Do these feelings occur when you take on a new assignment or have additional demands in your job? Are you uncomfortable because you imagine you're out of your "social class?" Have you been coping with a personal emergency and feel overwhelmed? It's helpful to keep a journal and jot down when negative feelings start to emerge.
2. Thorough preparation will give you security. If you need to present a proposal or critical information during a meeting, rehearse mentally and on-site, if possible. Develop a routine to use before every presentation.
3. Avoid people who undercut you or deliberately add to your insecurity. A man was working on a project with me and said things such as, "I'd be overwhelmed with all the things you have to do to make this a success." Or, "How much experience do you have pulling a project like this together?" I began to wonder if I could pull it together until I realized his game. The next time I smiled and replied, "No problem. It will all get done. I'm sure everyone including yourself will make a big contribution."
4. Approval from everyone isn't necessary. You don't have to please your older brother, your mother, your 3rd grade teacher, or a relative you haven't seen in years. Sometimes when we come from a high-achieving family, we feel we have to live up to expectations even when we are an adult.
5. Find a mentor. They have probably been through many of the demands of your job and can discuss realistically what you're going through. Or find a trusted coach, like the King did. Just talking with them about your fears can change your perception and give you new confidence.
Cut yourself some slack. Say to yourself, "I deserve to be here because of my intelligence and abilities. I will do the best job that I can possibly do."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
King George & The Impostor Complex
I highly recommend you see “The King’s Speech.” Colin Firth, as King George, battles a painful upbringing overshadowed by a charismatic brother, an inhibiting stammer and his belief that he wasn’t fit to be King. He dreaded public speaking. Geoffrey Rush plays Lionel Logue, an uncredentialed speech therapist/coach with unorthodox methods who is able to help “Bertie” manage his fears and speak to his nation on the eve of war. Firth’s sister is a speech therapist and supplied the exercises used in the film.
The 73 yr old author of the screenplay, David Seidler, was a stutterer himself and was inspired by the King’s determination to overcome his affliction. The royal family was embarrassed and hid any mention of a therapist but Seidler was able to locate Logue’s son. He was given access to notes Logue had recorded of his sessions with the King. However, Seidler promised Elizabeth, the Queen Mum (Helena Bonham Carter) that he wouldn’t publish the story until her death and she didn’t pass until 2002 at 102 years.
“Stutterers,” Seidler explains, “grow up feeling they have no voice, that they can’t be heard: they see in the eyes of their pained listeners that they have no right to speak. I was overwhelmed,” he said, “when the audience applauded at the end of the movie. Because for the first time ever, the penny dropped and I felt I had a voice and had been heard.”
It might surprise you or be reassuring to learn that even Colin Firth admits, “I’ve never stuttered, but I’ve had the same drowning feeling from stage fright. When I forget my lines, I forget who I am, where I am. It feels like an eternity until I come back.” This amazing actor has not let his fears destroy his performance but says he has found he can turn his tension into a positive thing.
We’ll blog more next month about fears and ways to challenge the feeling of being a fraud. Have you ever felt you were an impostor?
After you’ve seen “The King’s Speech”, check out the site below to hear King George making the actual speech from the film on the radio.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/ww2outbreak/7918.shtml
Regards
Jan D'Arcy
www.jdarcy.com
jan@jdarcy.com
The 73 yr old author of the screenplay, David Seidler, was a stutterer himself and was inspired by the King’s determination to overcome his affliction. The royal family was embarrassed and hid any mention of a therapist but Seidler was able to locate Logue’s son. He was given access to notes Logue had recorded of his sessions with the King. However, Seidler promised Elizabeth, the Queen Mum (Helena Bonham Carter) that he wouldn’t publish the story until her death and she didn’t pass until 2002 at 102 years.
“Stutterers,” Seidler explains, “grow up feeling they have no voice, that they can’t be heard: they see in the eyes of their pained listeners that they have no right to speak. I was overwhelmed,” he said, “when the audience applauded at the end of the movie. Because for the first time ever, the penny dropped and I felt I had a voice and had been heard.”
It might surprise you or be reassuring to learn that even Colin Firth admits, “I’ve never stuttered, but I’ve had the same drowning feeling from stage fright. When I forget my lines, I forget who I am, where I am. It feels like an eternity until I come back.” This amazing actor has not let his fears destroy his performance but says he has found he can turn his tension into a positive thing.
We’ll blog more next month about fears and ways to challenge the feeling of being a fraud. Have you ever felt you were an impostor?
After you’ve seen “The King’s Speech”, check out the site below to hear King George making the actual speech from the film on the radio.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/ww2outbreak/7918.shtml
Regards
Jan D'Arcy
www.jdarcy.com
jan@jdarcy.com
Monday, January 3, 2011
Communication Skills for Job Interviews
According to a recent survey by job-placement firm Manpower, 84% of employees plan on looking for a new position in 2011. Do you feel you’re growing in your current job? Do you feel challenged or like you’re wasting your time? Are you preparing to “maintain and campaign” for a move this year?The job market is slowing improving but you’ll face plenty of competition. Superior communication skills can give you an edge in a face-to-face interview for that promotion or new position.
1. Dress appropriately, have a confident posture, a strong handshake with direct eye contact and a pleasant smile. The interviewer forms an opinion from your non-verbal communication the minute you walk into the room.
2. Select five adjectives ( i.e. confident, calm, decisive, trustworthy and enthusiastic) that best fit the job-description to describe how you want to come across. If you review these as you introduce yourself, your body and voice will respond appropriately.
3. Use your space well. A video-tape showed women make several more adjustments with their purse, portfolio, clothing, jewelry, hair, etc. than a man does. Be lean and clean.
4. Be attentive and listen carefully. Keep your answers concise. Talk about what you can contribute, not what you expect. Show you are easy to get along with.
5. Rehearse possible questions so there are no long hesitations.There are no right or wrong answers. The interviewer is simply trying to understand how you behaved when you faced adverse circumstances or had a tight budget. Do your homework so you can give an example of how your problem-solving transfers to his/her organization.
Good luck!
"Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly."… St. Francis de Sales
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Brevity in Your Presentations
Years ago the first cave people sat around a fire and told their friends stories. Their audience fell asleep, threw a rock at him or her, or listened attentively. The objective then and today is to get people to pay attention to what you are saying or be able to adroitly dodge slings and arrows. Care about your audience, be sincere but be brief.
Audiences want to hear your points and leave. Regardless of how fascinated you are with your subject, or consider your message absolutely critical, most people get bored very quickly and want to get on with other things.
You can condense your thoughts into a meaningful presentation. Consider that Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address is a scant 269 words in length. Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words. It's more difficult to be simple but wisdom is often found in simplicity.
Your audiences are used to short sound bites of information. The younger the audience, the more impatient they are. Teens participating in a focus group said email is “something used to talk to ‘old people’ and is, like, so yesterday." They favor exchanging short, rapid dialogue with instantly updated messages or 140-character Tweets. Your listeners may range from young to old, but no one wants to sit through irrelevant information or slide after slide of confusing text. Prune your ideas like you would prune a rosebush. You'll end up with a more beautiful rose and more powerful impact in your speech.
Twenty per cent of what you say makes eighty per cent of the impact. Can you figure out that twenty percent and aim for the bull’s eye? State a context, your objective and get to the punch line. What do you REALLY think about this subject? What relevant evidence backs up your belief?
What does your audience need to know to do a job, increase their knowledge or efficiency, save them time or money, boost their morale, solve a problem, make a decision or take action? If you aren’t sure of your thoughts on a subject, you're apt to ramble expressing them to others. Take a break and let those thoughts germinate. Clarity of thoughts will bring about clarity in your speech. If there are addditional statistics, legal details, or facts your listeners need to reference, distribute handouts and documentation or publish them online. Avoid getting bogged down in details that your listeners will forget five minutes after they exit the room.
Phoenix speech writer Phil Theibert says “Keep it simple, keep it plain, tell them the truth and get the hell out of there.”
Phoenix speech writer Phil Theibert says “Keep it simple, keep it plain, tell them the truth and get the hell out of there.”
Your next audience will sigh in relief if you are clear and succinct and you won’t end up being a target!
“If you would be pungent,
be brief;
for it is with words as with sunbeams –
the more they are condensed,
the deeper they burn." ...Robert Southey
be brief;
for it is with words as with sunbeams –
the more they are condensed,
the deeper they burn." ...Robert Southey
Jan D'Arcy
Resources:
www.jdarcy.com Check out my website for podcasts on various presentation subjects.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg looks at why a smaller percentage of women than men reach the top of their professions -- and offers 3 powerful pieces of advice to women aiming for the C-suite.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Managing Fears and Anxieties
Feeling some pangs of anxiety? It’s helpful to understand how fear affects us physically. Derived from the Greek word for almond, the amygdala sits in the brain's medial temporal lobe, a few inches from either ear. The amydgala fires off circuits when it senses you are in danger and alerts the body to flee, fight or freeze. Physical reactions may range from an accelerated heart-beat to shaky knees or a dry mouth. These are natural and involuntary reactions that are wired into our animal brain.
After the first involuntary response, you can effectively manage and minimize nervousness by your expectations of the situation, your self-image (self-appreciation) and your self-talk. Interpret any physical discomfort as normal. Do not exaggerate by saying to yourself, “I’ll never live through this.” Chill out for 10-15 seconds allowing signals from the amydagala to reach the cortex where you can make a rational decision instead of an emotional one to the current situation. Fear will diminish as you objectively observe what is going on in your body such as increased pulse or perspiration.
You may instinctively react by taking shallow, frequent breaths. This creates tension in the muscles in your upper gastrointestinal tract, which can irritate your stomach. If you are truly upset, those muscles start to “flutter” – hence the expression – butterflies in your stomach - making you feel queasy.
Begin slow deep breathing. Normally, the brain uses one-fourth of the blood supply. In stressful situations, the blood rushes to our muscles and the brain is shortchanged. We can’t think well, ad-lib, be funny or creative. A conscious choice of “circle breathing” or “heart breathing” is a great way to switch off the stress hormones and get back to normal. Just before you’re introduced, practice deep breathing and see the calming breath going to any parts of the body that feel tense – neck, back, jaws, etc.
Be relaxed but stay alert. We’re not trying to achieve total relaxation. We would be devoid of energy; you want some adrenaline flowing. You're working for relaxed alertness, ready to respond and adapt to the audience.
Get more sleep. The amydgala are triggered more frequently and react in a stronger fashion when we are fragmented or fatigued, especially if you fly to a different time-zone. Your body will be more responsive if you schedule a massage and relax instead of last minute cramming.
Focus on the audience and your objective. John Aylward, veteran stage and television actor, says that he doesn’t experience stage fright as he is concentrating on the task at hand. He doesn’t have time to allow negative thoughts to intrude. Think about creative ways of calling up images in the audience’s mind and your mind won’t be capable of indulging in past negative memories or predicting future failures.
Your biggest fear should be of boring the audience. Would you like to hear yourself speak? Are you fun to watch? Do you entertain as well as inform your audience? Is your information useful? Say to yourself, “I’ll never bore my audience again!” Get your audience involved, discovering, laughing, thinking, and understanding. You will be so centered on your goal and enjoying yourself, your fears will diminish and your self- confidence increase.
"I have been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I have never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do" … Georgia O'Keefe, artist
Resources:
Books: The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience by Carmine Gallo. Learn how Steve Jobs electrifies his audiences with his incomparable style and showmanship. He tells a story, paints a picture and shares a vision. You will find lots of ideas to apply to your next presentation.
Website: www.TED.com This is the best site on the web to watch the best and brightest speakers in the world. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. Speakers are usually limited to 18 minutes and many break every speaking rule you’ve learned. But their information is so compelling and they are so charismatic, you will be mesmerized. Do keep going back to analyze their styles of delivery and see what you can adapt to your presentation style.
After the first involuntary response, you can effectively manage and minimize nervousness by your expectations of the situation, your self-image (self-appreciation) and your self-talk. Interpret any physical discomfort as normal. Do not exaggerate by saying to yourself, “I’ll never live through this.” Chill out for 10-15 seconds allowing signals from the amydagala to reach the cortex where you can make a rational decision instead of an emotional one to the current situation. Fear will diminish as you objectively observe what is going on in your body such as increased pulse or perspiration.
You may instinctively react by taking shallow, frequent breaths. This creates tension in the muscles in your upper gastrointestinal tract, which can irritate your stomach. If you are truly upset, those muscles start to “flutter” – hence the expression – butterflies in your stomach - making you feel queasy.
Begin slow deep breathing. Normally, the brain uses one-fourth of the blood supply. In stressful situations, the blood rushes to our muscles and the brain is shortchanged. We can’t think well, ad-lib, be funny or creative. A conscious choice of “circle breathing” or “heart breathing” is a great way to switch off the stress hormones and get back to normal. Just before you’re introduced, practice deep breathing and see the calming breath going to any parts of the body that feel tense – neck, back, jaws, etc.
Be relaxed but stay alert. We’re not trying to achieve total relaxation. We would be devoid of energy; you want some adrenaline flowing. You're working for relaxed alertness, ready to respond and adapt to the audience.
Get more sleep. The amydgala are triggered more frequently and react in a stronger fashion when we are fragmented or fatigued, especially if you fly to a different time-zone. Your body will be more responsive if you schedule a massage and relax instead of last minute cramming.
Focus on the audience and your objective. John Aylward, veteran stage and television actor, says that he doesn’t experience stage fright as he is concentrating on the task at hand. He doesn’t have time to allow negative thoughts to intrude. Think about creative ways of calling up images in the audience’s mind and your mind won’t be capable of indulging in past negative memories or predicting future failures.
Your biggest fear should be of boring the audience. Would you like to hear yourself speak? Are you fun to watch? Do you entertain as well as inform your audience? Is your information useful? Say to yourself, “I’ll never bore my audience again!” Get your audience involved, discovering, laughing, thinking, and understanding. You will be so centered on your goal and enjoying yourself, your fears will diminish and your self- confidence increase.
"I have been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I have never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do" … Georgia O'Keefe, artist
Resources:
Books: The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience by Carmine Gallo. Learn how Steve Jobs electrifies his audiences with his incomparable style and showmanship. He tells a story, paints a picture and shares a vision. You will find lots of ideas to apply to your next presentation.
Website: www.TED.com This is the best site on the web to watch the best and brightest speakers in the world. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. Speakers are usually limited to 18 minutes and many break every speaking rule you’ve learned. But their information is so compelling and they are so charismatic, you will be mesmerized. Do keep going back to analyze their styles of delivery and see what you can adapt to your presentation style.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Facing Your Public Speaking Fears
An executive client called to say, “I’m so nervous about my upcoming presentation. I’m afraid I’ll shake or do something embarrassing. I don’t want to make a fool of myself by forgetting what I intend to say. What if the audience thinks I’m incompetent or it’s a waste of their time?” He paused, and said almost to himself,” My job may be in jeopardy.”
The phone caller expressed a common concern. Sometimes my prospective clients are disappointed I’ve no magic wand. There are times when a presenter will be uncomfortable or even rejected when speaking in public. Your slides may be mixed up or the computer could shut down. You can have a humiliating introduction like the emcee who said my client had achieved a lot considering she was going through her second divorce. It took discipline to smile and stand up to speak after that.
Embarrassment did not stop General David Petraeus when he collapsed during a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing and his head fell forward on the table. His aides quickly escorted him from the room. Twenty-five minutes later the General returned, grinning sheepishly, and told the committee that he "got a little bit lightheaded there.” He even interjected some humor, adding, “It wasn't Senator McCain's question." He said he was prepared to continue. However, the meeting was adjourned and the General walked briskly from the room. Who knows if it was fatigue, not eating, or the stress of the tough questioning from Congress on the drawdown of Afghanistan forces? Was it an embarrassing, uncomfortable situation with videos replaying his fainting again and again? You bet. It comes with the territory. You get up and go forward.
Hopefully, you will never experience something as extreme as General Petraeus’ collapse in front of the world but things happen. People will text in your audience or take mental vacations. Being embarrassed or nervous, even when your job is in the balance, shouldn’t prevent you
from being a compelling communicator unless you fall prey to the Critic and Doubter in your head. When the thought comes that maybe you can’t pull off the presentation, renew your determination to connect with the audience and get your message across. Believe in yourself and the worth of your ideas. Be confident that if you keep going, the nervousness will subside and you will feel more comfortable.
Gradually, you'll be able to be more objective and even have a sense of humor about the faux pas, like the General. Besides, such situations always make for great stories in the future.
The phone caller expressed a common concern. Sometimes my prospective clients are disappointed I’ve no magic wand. There are times when a presenter will be uncomfortable or even rejected when speaking in public. Your slides may be mixed up or the computer could shut down. You can have a humiliating introduction like the emcee who said my client had achieved a lot considering she was going through her second divorce. It took discipline to smile and stand up to speak after that.
Embarrassment did not stop General David Petraeus when he collapsed during a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing and his head fell forward on the table. His aides quickly escorted him from the room. Twenty-five minutes later the General returned, grinning sheepishly, and told the committee that he "got a little bit lightheaded there.” He even interjected some humor, adding, “It wasn't Senator McCain's question." He said he was prepared to continue. However, the meeting was adjourned and the General walked briskly from the room. Who knows if it was fatigue, not eating, or the stress of the tough questioning from Congress on the drawdown of Afghanistan forces? Was it an embarrassing, uncomfortable situation with videos replaying his fainting again and again? You bet. It comes with the territory. You get up and go forward.
Hopefully, you will never experience something as extreme as General Petraeus’ collapse in front of the world but things happen. People will text in your audience or take mental vacations. Being embarrassed or nervous, even when your job is in the balance, shouldn’t prevent you
from being a compelling communicator unless you fall prey to the Critic and Doubter in your head. When the thought comes that maybe you can’t pull off the presentation, renew your determination to connect with the audience and get your message across. Believe in yourself and the worth of your ideas. Be confident that if you keep going, the nervousness will subside and you will feel more comfortable.Gradually, you'll be able to be more objective and even have a sense of humor about the faux pas, like the General. Besides, such situations always make for great stories in the future.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Welcome to the Pocket Presentation Coach Blog
Thank you for subscribing to my blog. I realize that you, as a presenter, face audiences that are overloaded with information, have nanosecond attention spans, insist on interaction and expect to be entertained. The purpose of this blog is to help you manage public speaking fears and enhance your delivery so that you connect and resonate with today’s demanding audiences. You’ll receive up-to-date strategies to enable you to sell yourself and your ideas. Each month, I’ll blog on a specific topic such as Using Humor, Theatrical Techniques, Creating the “New Style” of Visuals, How Nutrition Affects Delivery, or Persuasion Through Storytelling. I hope to encourage you to reach beyond yourself and become a model communicator. I look forward to your feedback and dialogue!
Jan D'Arcy
jan@jdarcy.com
http://www.jdarcy.com/
Jan D'Arcy
jan@jdarcy.com
http://www.jdarcy.com/
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